Yet another hilarious editorial from the
Daily Telegraph U.K. I wholeheartedly agree, after having received a housecoat or two over the years!
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Sexy Santa lingerie
Stop, take a long hard look at yourself and think. Is Sexy Santa lingerie on her Christmas wish list, or yours...?
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A 'housecoat'
When she said she'd like a "nice dressing gown from M&S", she was hinting at something silky and lacy from Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's range, not a 'housecoat' fit for Nora Batty.
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Amy Childs vajazzled onesie
Although TOWIE star Amy Childs advises that this is perfecting for 'chillaxing' in, we don't advise you chillax at all, whatsoever, if you've bought your wife/girlfriend/mistress one of her vajazzled velour onesies. Remember, it does NOT come with Amy Childs as standard…
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Plastic surgery voucher
Rule number one: It's okay for women to say they're not happy with their appearance. It's NEVER okay for you to agree. This voucher is a one-way ticket to D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
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| Shaping underwearAnything that suggests that the recipient is anything less than perfect will go down worse than Frankie Boyle at a kid's Christmas party. |
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Everyday beauty gift set
By all means go to the Tom Ford counter and splash out on a selection of divinely elegant beauty treats. By no means go to Boots and spend a single penny on the kind of beauty products women buy themselves out of necessity. Confused? We're talking Head & Shoulders, Nivea, Vaseline, Venus etc. All great brands, not great gifts.
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Dustmop slippers
These slippers are two Christmas gift crimes in one. Women do not want anything that helps them with housework - besides a more considerate partner - and slippers are a no-go unless they are luxurious, sheepskin lined, or from Agent Provocateur.
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Festive leggings
The describer 'one size fits all' on these leggings is your first clue. Banish all thought of sexy snow-bunnies in Alpine ski lodges - these beasts are guaranteed to look terrible on everyone.
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Celebrity perfume
She might have sung 'Poker Face' at a karaoke night once, but that doesn't mean she wants to SMELL like Lady Gaga - or Britney, or Tulisa, or Katie Price for that matter. If you're buying perfume, make Brad Pitt your muse instead and head straight for the Chanel counter - you can't go wrong with classics.
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| Workout DVDWomen dream of spending Christmas day eating roast potatoes and Quality Street with their feet up watching Top of the Pops and Downton. They do not dream of being 'Reem in 20 minutes'... |
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| Novelty Christmas jumperIn fact, make that anything with the word 'novelty' in the title... |
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| Fake designer handbagNothing says "I don't really think that much of you" quite like a handbag by 'Louis Vilton'. If you can't stretch to a designer bag, better to opt for the (genuine) perfume. |
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An iron
Never buy a woman an iron for Christmas unless you want to get hit over the head with it.
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| Cheap engagement ringIf you're thinking of popping the question this Christmas, it's SO not about a 'created ruby and diamond ring' #justsaying |
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| 50 Shades of Grey charm braceletGuys, this is 50 shades of WRONG. Don't even think about it - or anything else tenuously linked to 50 Shades of Grey for that matter.X-mas Gift |
Great post...too funny!
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